


Amnesia

by alfing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Amnesiac Dean, Amnesiac Sam, Fallen Cas, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, M/M, supernatural universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 10:05:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4621248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alfing/pseuds/alfing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Becoming human wasn't the only punishment heaven bestowed upon Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Supernatural nor these characters.
> 
>  
> 
> I also apologize for the angst.

_I know someone used to watch me in my sleep_

_But some things seem just impossible to keep_

_I fight hard to bring it back into my mind_

_But to no use, it all seems to be blank_

_-Amnesia (Mind in a Box)_

 

It was his fault.

It was his fault that fang ripped into Sam's flesh and tore out a chunk so large you could see bone.

It was his fault that his brother hadn't woken up in two days and hasn't gotten any better.

Dean sat by Sam's hospital bed, head in his hands. He was angry. Brutally slaying that vampire didn't relieve any of this negative emotion. He wasn't angry at it anymore. He was angry at himself.

He promised to protect Sam. He _vowed_ to himself. And he broke that vow.

Dean glared at his palms, calloused and cut from years of fighting and running from his past. But even thinking back to all those years leaves him with a feeling of emptiness, loneliness. As if there was something missing in his life. He just didn't know what, and that also gnawed at his brain.

But right there in that hospital room, Dean felt so vulnerable. His brother was injured- hell, he could even be dying and he couldn't do a single thing about it, dammit. He wants to keep blaming himself for this. That's all he can do.

The doctor came into the room, asking him to leave momentarily while he checked on his patient. Dean reluctantly agreed and walked out.

He paced outside of the door, arms crossed, when he heard a weak cough come from the next room. He hadn't noticed that there was another patient next door. Dean didn't even notice that he hadn't changed his clothes since yesterday, either.

The hunter peered into the room and saw a man with dark hair and mesmerizing, yet fading, blue eyes laying in a hospital bed. He looked like he'd been through hell. There were dark circles under the man's eyes and his skin was so pale, he nearly blended in with the bed sheets.

Dean took a look at the clipboard that hung from his bed.

 _James Novak_ it read.

“I'm often called, Jimmy,” a hoarse voice said.

Dean looked up and was met with a weak half-smile, as though the man wasn't used to it.

“Uh, hi,” the hunter greeted awkwardly. “Sorry I just walked in, I don't even know why I did...”

“It's fine,” Jimmy said. “I don't get visitors besides doctors and nurses anyway.”

Dean found that a little odd but decided not to pry on the subject.

“I'm Dean,” he greeted, holding out his hand that was shaken by the other slowly. “So, um, what are you in for? If that's not a touchy subject for you...”

Jimmy shook his head. “It's not a ‘touchy’ subject, as you say. I'm here because I caught pneumonia, quite a pathetic reason to be hospitalized, I believe...”

“I dunno. I hear that stuff kills people,” Dean retorted, eyebrows knitted in concern.

He didn't expect the other man to huff out a weak laugh.

“Believe me, I've been through worse.”

The two of them chat a bit more, a conversation that went on for hours, until Dean remembered about his brother.

“Ah, sorry, man. I gotta get back to my brother,” the hunter apologized.

Jimmy smiled that awkward smile again. “It's fine, Dean. But I hope we can talk again sometime.”

The other smiled back and nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

-

The next day, Dean visited James Novak again.

They talked about the things they liked(surprisingly, Jimmy really liked burgers, bees, and guinea pigs), disliked(Dean learned that he didn't like jelly or jam in his sandwiches), and vague descriptions of their family(Jimmy's family, he didn't like very much).

Dean would often make references to a movie or celebrity he knew and Jimmy would either smile and nod like he understood or say: “I don't understand that reference,” which made the hunter burst into laughter.

“Dude, you've seriously never seen Star Wars?” Dean asked once, only getting a shake of a head from the other. “Okay, then you have to promise me that when you get better, you'll go out and see those films.”

Jimmy's smile would then turn sad and he'd look away like he always did whenever Dean would say something like that.

“We don't know if I'll ever get better,” he said quietly.

The hunter would protest, he would say that he _will_ get better. Then Jimmy would be silent and Dean would return to his brother in a depressed mood.

-

It had been a week since Sam was in the hospital, he had woken up finally, able to eat and move around a little.

But Jimmy had gotten worse.

Dean wasn't allowed to visit on a couple occasions and whenever he asked his new friend what was the matter, he'd only get an awkward smile and an abrupt change of subject.

He didn't understand it. He's lost his mother, his father, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, he's almost lost his brother several times... But this one man, that he happened to meet in the hospital, made him feel more sorrow than he had all those times in the past with just the thought of him dying.

Dean shook those thoughts away and went to visit his friend again.

“Hey, Cas,” he said on accident, pausing when he said that name.

Jimmy's eyes showed a glimmer of hope for a second.

“Sorry, I meant Jimmy,” he corrected himself, muttering, “where the hell did ‘Cas’ come from?”

Jimmy never mentioned his mistake during his entire visit.

-

It was noon.

The same exact time he had met James Novak a week and a half ago.

The time he left this world forever.

And Dean couldn't do a single thing about it.

Sam's health returned to him quickly, as if an angel had breathed some life into him.

Dean drove them out of the city without looking back.

He would never look back.


End file.
